What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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