i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
