Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
