She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
