I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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