my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
