I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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