Small penises have feelings too.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
