return my video game
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
