I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
