he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
