I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize