We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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