just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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