why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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