were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
