the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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