Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
