Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
