24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
