dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
farters have to be the big spoon...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
