I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize