TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
