I faked an abortion last night.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it's like heaven, but drunker
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
