a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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