sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
