my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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