come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
