all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
