when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
