perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
