this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
