Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
