i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
