My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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