I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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