There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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