I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
