I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize