am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
