my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
