just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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