Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
