i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
