she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
