You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
