There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I AM VODKA MAN
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
