It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
