U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize