you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
