it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
