Tell her she can't have a vagina
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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