I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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