Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
