We're like a lot better than the average bears
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
