Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
