@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize