1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
