Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize