that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
