Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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