I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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