Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
