just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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