Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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