I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
