I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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