remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
