you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
