You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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