seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
