I'm jealous of your bromance
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
