I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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