Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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