No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
